Luke Melia


October 15, 2001

10/15/2001, 1:11 am

Brad headed home today. His mom was after him to find a job here in New York so he could be closer to home. That would be cool. It was great to have someone to skate fearlessly with. I don’t think he’ll go for it, though. California living has got to be mighty tough to give up.

My sniffles and sneezes have turned to a sore throat, which I hope will be gone when I wake up in the morning. Want to feel good for volleyball practice tomorrow night. I’ve been sort of feeling like I’m always looking forward to the next volleyball game, more so than being where I am or spending time with people. I think I have such a sense of noticeable progress and accomplishment there that’s missing elsewhere.

Now, relationships aren’t supposed to be about accomplishment but I’ve been feeling particularly disconnected from other people lately. Part of it may be a subconscious protective reaction to layoffs at work, but another part is probably just cyclical. It’s the same feeling I get once a year or so, usually not until the winter though. I remember one winter explaining to Meeta that nobody really understands me. In a week or so I decided that was fine. Another week, I realized that some people do.

I used to spend most of my social time with people that I work with. Now it’s starting to look like it will be socializing mostly with people I used to work with. Somehow, that seems like an improvement. I’m not sure why.

April and Kent were up from Virginia. Sake-drinking Jen and non-sake-drinking Jane joined us for sushi at Jelloado, and a friend of Jen’s who didn’t seem to smile, and his girlfriend who thankfully did. Later, at Ike, we helped Jeanhee and her sexy black boots celebrate her birthday and discussed Dixie’s tatoo. I drank hot tea at the bar and succumbed early to the cross-town calls of my bed.

For Melissa’s birthday, I took her to see a selection of short films about human nature (part of ResFest). We had dinner and a good talk at Souen after. Afterwards, I think we both felt reassured that our friendship wouldn’t be hurt by her departure from O2. Silly that we should even think that, but worries aren’t always rational.

This evening, I worked on a freelance project. The work tonight was a good challenge. Freelance work really reminds me of the greener-grass syndrome. At work, I’m sometimes frustrated about not having a strong say in design, UI, editorial. Working by myself at home, I find myself wishing I would get ideas from my colleagues. Guess it’s probably good to have both things going on in your life.

Here’s a good story to say goodnight with. On Friday night, I was walking through Union Square with some friends. It’s not the crazy scene there that it was immediately after the 9/11 attacks but there is still a small memorial site. Currently, there’s an artist working on a piece that honors the dead firemen, as well as a bunch of letters and drawings from elementary age kids. I was kind of choked up by the time I began to read this piece, one of a number of pieces on the subject “Why I love my country”:

I love my country because I am free to do anything I want.
I love my country because I am protected here.
I love my country because I know everything I need to know.
I love my country because I don’t have to grow a beard six inches long.

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